Today, I felt a deep sense of being alone and it felt badly. It just seems that the last 24 hours, or so, I've been posting, what seems to me quite significant quotations, not only here, but on Facebook, and Google Plus. Without any feedback, even a 'like' on these posts, I've been left with a feeling of isolation and invisibility. So, instead of shutting down my Facebook and Google accounts, I did something radical. I decided to go deeper into that feeling of aloneness and when my wife went to run errands and visit with a friend, I decided to go deeper into that feeling. I sat still, alone on this bench, in our yard for near an hour.
As I sat in silence, and although there were sounds of our busy street on the other side of our house, I heard only my own heart beat and the song and rustling of birds and I no longer felt badly. In place I found contentment that I don't feel when being bombarded by the constant barrage of noise of everyday life. No TV commercials telling me that I don't have enough. No authors pointing out how discontented I feel and then offering, if I buy his book, how to overcome that discontent. In that silence, I felt that I am, and I have, enough without the feedback that I thought I needed from social networks.
So now, I can do the next thing that needs to get done, content in the experiential body felt knowledge, that peace and contentment is only a heartbeat away and it doesn't rely on waiting for someone to 'like' it.
4 comments:
Thanks Ken for taking the time to write this post and for giving a helpful, practical example of how to go deeper into an experience. "Staying with it" is easy to say and hard to do sometimes. The picture of your bench is a visual reminder to do the best one can. I like when you share your reactions to a posted quote or reflect on why it is significant to you. Thank you again for this.
I'm sorry that my inaction contributed to your feeling of alone-ness. I've been ridiculously depressed lately, not knowing where I fit and feeling sorry for myself. These feelings keep me from seeing others pain. (I need to pull my head out of my ass, I swear!)
Today I'm feeling the desire to leave off G+ and go back to blogging even though I get more interaction at G+. (And my inaction and such at my blog has made pretty much everybody that had me on their blogrolls remove me. Sigh.)
Anyway - sorry again. I suck sometimes.
I'm glad that my 'solitude' meditation became part of a conversation. Aletheia, there is no need to beat yourself up when as humans we are all dealing with similar issues. Over breakfast this morning, when my usually very social wife mentioned that she felt our college student neighbor was out of her class, I decided to tell her of my feelings of 'unworthiness'.
I told her how, even though she finds my writing inspiring, that I have felt invisible on the internet. And when I do find a blog thread or even belong to an online course, it doesn't take much for me to feel that I have nothing to offer. 'Unworthy' is a close description.
So in light of psychology's suggestion to go deeper into a feeling, how do I go deeper into a feeling of unworthiness? By withdrawing and journaling all the ways that I feel unworthy?
Deborah, you and Aletheia are the closest friends that I have here in cyberspace. Thank you for listening.
Hey Ken. Just checking in. I'm back to blogging at Homegrown Religion. I'm not on Facebook (except for having to log in to create my zombie avatar. heh.)
Miss you!
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